The future of customer care …
Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have you …
Customer: Helloo, can I order …
Operator: Can I have your multi-purpose card number first, Sir?
Customer: It’s eh … hold on … 6102049998-45-54610.
Operator: OK …., you’re … Mr Singh and you’re calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?
Customer: Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator: We are connected to the system Sir.
Customer: May I order your Seafood Pizza …
Operator: That’s not a good idea Sir.
Customer: How come?
Operator: According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir.
Customer: What? … What do you recommend then?
Operator: Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You’ll like it.
Customer: How do you know for sure?
Operator: You borrowed a book entitled Popular Hokkien Dishes from the National Library last week Sir.
Customer: OK I give up … Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?
Operator: That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99.
Customer: Can I pay by credit card?
Operator: I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan Sir.
Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.
Operator: You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today.
Customer: Never mind just send the pizza. I’ll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?
Operator: According to the details in system, you own a scooter, registration number 1123 …
Operator: Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman.
Operator: Is there anything else Sir?
Customer: Nothing … by the way … aren’t you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?
Operator: We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re also diabetic …
Operator: What did you say?